There’s something tempting about someone offering to provide for you, but it can mask hidden expectations.
When my boyfriend, Matt, suggested we move in together after almost two years of dating, it seemed like a dream. His reasoning made sense—why pay for two places when we practically lived together already? He made more money than I did, so he insisted he would cover rent while I focused on my work at the shelter.
At first, it felt romantic and practical. But when we moved in, everything shifted. Matt’s stuff dominated the apartment, and my belongings were shoved into a closet. When I asked about it, he said he prioritized his things because he was paying for the place. Then, he expected me to cook dinner every night since he was covering rent.
It became clear that his “generosity” came with strings attached—he thought paying for rent gave him control over me. I decided to call his father, who arrived and gave Matt a much-needed lesson on respect. That was the end of our relationship.
I moved out that night. Matt ended up back at his parents’, doing chores, and I found a studio where I could live on my terms. I now know that generosity with strings attached isn’t generosity at all—it’s a transaction. I’d rather struggle on my own than be controlled by someone else’s conditions. True partnership is about mutual support, without keeping score.